Fight For This Love

So, it's been.. 7 or so days since I've updated -- sorry about that.

Work's been good! I've been in the stockroom because I had a break down at work on Monday because of what happened to my mum and bad thoughts in my head that wouldn't go away. I had two shitty customers that day, something I didn't need at all. And for once I decided to fuck it all and be testy with them because I wasn't gonna put up with it that day. The second customer, was rude, and I walked off in tears and ended up breaking down in the lift, and being carted off to the Training Room to sit down and just let it out. I hate crying like that at work, last time that happened was when my friend, Bob, died. It sucked.

So yeah, Jemma popped me in the stock room which was good. I was doing things constantly so my mind didn't wander. Well, apart from when I got a phone call that you all know about. ;D I'm really excited about Germany, not long now. It's gonna be a right blast.

EMA's&Afterparty. Possibility of meeting TH at said Afterparty; fingers crossed I can get a picture with them. Not only that but it'll be my first time EVER seeing Tokio Hotel perform! And OMG, so so so excited! Going to be amazzzziiiiiiing!

Everyone wants to see me today! Lauren is meeting me at 1:30 in town for drinks and shopping, then at 3 Kelly is meeting me for shopping. Perhaps my Dad? Dunno yet. Then going to see my Mum. <3

I'm not going to lend my brother money anymore, I don't think, because I'm quite leniant. I'll lend it to him, and not worry about when I get it back. He tells me he'll give it back the next month, and it never happens. I need this money and he won't talk to me at the moment. I don't mind helping him out, because he got made redundant but it's bordering on the ridiculous when he doesn't give it back when I need it.

Currently obsessed with Cheryl Cole's song "fight for this love," the video mostly because I quite like staring at her gorgeous arse. I think I'm worse than a guy when it comes to bums, lol!


Can't embed the video, so here's a link: Fight For This Love Music Video

Hmm. :/

ALMOST FINISHED THE MARK-DOWNS AT WORK. H'omg. I was getting majorly stressed out by how long it was taking, I was almost in tears actually. I just felt that even after I finished it, I'd be critised for taking so long - despite it not really being my fault. I mean, I've been trying to give it 100%, and I think I've been doing a bit better at what I do.. However, I can't help but think they don't see any improvement. Though, to be honest, I wouldn't know anyway because praise hardly ever comes my way. I'm actually really quite depressed about it, then again I haven't felt "happy" for a while now. It's just trying to keep a smile on my face, pretend everything's alright and try my hardest not to slip into past habits which is becoming increasingly hard. :(

I almost hit the wall when I went to sign out at the end of my shift, Kim (Commercial Kim, not ratface) asked whether I'd finished F.A and I told her no, and she asked "why not" and I told her because I didn't have time on it, and again she asked "why not" and i said because i was trying to finish lingerie. And again she went "why not" possibly as a joke, I don't know but it really got to me. I'm trying to do something, and do a good job of it, and she just doesn't acknowledge it at all... Ugh. I just felt like screaming, or breaking down in tears because all my efforts go unnoticed it seems.

I just feel like giving up.. I really do, I'm sick of being unappreiciated at work.  Ian and Jemma, they're the ones who I respect right now out of the "management" team because they look at it through my eyes, and try and help and give me more time to complete tasks and such. Ugh. Just so stressed out.

On a good note! Mum came home for a few hours today, she has to go back in an hour or so but it was very good to see her!! It's strange how lonely it is here without her, even though Gary's still here obviously.

and! The new video from Bild.de with Tom and Bill... Well, I actually got quite offended by the amount of times they used to word "faggot," I mean.. I don't usually get offended by it.. But I did this time, because it seems as if they're encouraging the use of it, when it's really quite insulting.. Especially to those who are quite insecure about themselves because they are gay.. I dunno. :(

Oh, and my One Drawing A Day:

(just click the image to view larger. :3)

Technically there are two drawings. The larger, forefront, drawing is of my RolePlay character, Thursday.

The little cartoon doodle is of Thursday and Ikarus (Minaneko-chan's character) basically they're both A.I's but Thursday is in denial about it, and believes she's one hundred percent human.. Whereas Ikarus knows he's an A.I and has just escaped the military base he was being kept at.. Anyway, he's not good at communication, so she thinks that he is mentally challenged, and speaks slowly to him to make sure he understands what she says, which in turn makes him think that she's got a defect in her language processor. :P

So that's where that little doodle came from!