SO!

I've been trying to cut down how much I eat, to lose some fat on my legs. And now when I eat something substantial my stomach starts hurting well bad. Not fun, but oh well.

I've not had a fantastic day, Ratface is back at work; and everytime she's near me, or speaks to me I just want to punch her lights out. Seriously, if she doesn't go, I probably will. Already looking for jobs, so.. Though i don't want to leave, I can't work with her. Her mere presence fucks me off, and if she stays as a Lead Associate I'm going to kick up a fuss and a half. I'm sorry, but if you fucking start a well bad rumour and only get a "talking" too it's not enough! A Lead should be someone who is mature, and doesn't behave like a school kid. Seriously! They honestly expect me to go around like nothing's happened? They've obviously never had any malicious spread about them at work, fucking hell.  She does fuck all anyway! All she did today was fucking talk to Nigel and just wander around. She went on F.A for about five fucking minutes, didn't do anything and when I got on there it still looked like an utter shit hole. 

What else that's pissing me off, and this is going to get me into trouble with a particular friend but right now I don't care, is that one can sign up for the fanwalk and suddenly have the advantage, about a week before it closes! I'm sorry but there application process should end at least a month before. Myself and Soubi have worked fucking hard for our votes, and then Amiee signs up and it's like "oh for fuck sake." It's not fair at all, because it puts all those people who have worked hard months on end for their votes at the disadvantage.

I will be fucking pissed off if she gets in and Soubi or myself don't. it's just not fair. just wait until next fucking year, instead of putting the hardworking lot at a disadvantage. If you ask me, you should start with 0% instead of 100%. Mega voting time for Soubi. <3

Sorry Amiee, but it's not fair at all that you suddenly decide to jump in and put at us a disadvantage. Call me a selfish bitch if you will, but I don't really care.


P.S Sorry for the fact there have been none of my 'one drawing a day' updates; everything is stressful and I don't really have time. But here! Have a picture of meee!

oh and Hasselhoff is on The One Show, Georg is blatantly tuning in. :P

Unf.

No drawing today, I just couldn't draw anything.. Today has been pretty shit. Been really emotional, have been crying on and off almost all day. Basically my best friend leaves for Uni tomorrow and came in today to say bye.. I didn't really want to say bye to any of my good friends who were leaving for Uni because of the effect it would've had on me. I now, officially, have no best friends in Hastings.. Or anywhere near to me. I mean, tbh, my best friends are my "rocks" so to speak.. And I just have this huge epic empty gap now and I can't fill it.

I just.. I don't know, feel like giving up? I'm the unintelligent one of the group; I don't want to go to uni, I dropped out of college after my AS Levels.. I'm the one who will always be left behind whilst they suceed and it's a hard thing to admit too.

I just dunno what I'm gonna do now. I've got ... what...  two friends out of work now? people at work don't really count as, well, I work with them. i have to see them everyday, as much as i love seeing most of them, it's not the same.

i have a sinking feeling that someone whom i may work with has read my blog.. why? because out of the blue, Kim (commercial) decided to tell me I'm doing a good job, and she's seen improvement in me.. and has been singing my praises to Brian. And in my last entry on this blog I was saying about how unappreiciated I feel at work, and how my effort seems to be ignored. strange, and creepy. Unf. I'm probably being paranoid, but whatever, you have to admit - it's bloody weird! oh well.

so yeah. not a great day.. oh and i have a new nickname courtesy of Brian.. that being "angry becky." uhm, thanks, i think? lol! i'm not that bad, am I????

who knows. oh well.

Hmm. :/

ALMOST FINISHED THE MARK-DOWNS AT WORK. H'omg. I was getting majorly stressed out by how long it was taking, I was almost in tears actually. I just felt that even after I finished it, I'd be critised for taking so long - despite it not really being my fault. I mean, I've been trying to give it 100%, and I think I've been doing a bit better at what I do.. However, I can't help but think they don't see any improvement. Though, to be honest, I wouldn't know anyway because praise hardly ever comes my way. I'm actually really quite depressed about it, then again I haven't felt "happy" for a while now. It's just trying to keep a smile on my face, pretend everything's alright and try my hardest not to slip into past habits which is becoming increasingly hard. :(

I almost hit the wall when I went to sign out at the end of my shift, Kim (Commercial Kim, not ratface) asked whether I'd finished F.A and I told her no, and she asked "why not" and I told her because I didn't have time on it, and again she asked "why not" and i said because i was trying to finish lingerie. And again she went "why not" possibly as a joke, I don't know but it really got to me. I'm trying to do something, and do a good job of it, and she just doesn't acknowledge it at all... Ugh. I just felt like screaming, or breaking down in tears because all my efforts go unnoticed it seems.

I just feel like giving up.. I really do, I'm sick of being unappreiciated at work.  Ian and Jemma, they're the ones who I respect right now out of the "management" team because they look at it through my eyes, and try and help and give me more time to complete tasks and such. Ugh. Just so stressed out.

On a good note! Mum came home for a few hours today, she has to go back in an hour or so but it was very good to see her!! It's strange how lonely it is here without her, even though Gary's still here obviously.

and! The new video from Bild.de with Tom and Bill... Well, I actually got quite offended by the amount of times they used to word "faggot," I mean.. I don't usually get offended by it.. But I did this time, because it seems as if they're encouraging the use of it, when it's really quite insulting.. Especially to those who are quite insecure about themselves because they are gay.. I dunno. :(

Oh, and my One Drawing A Day:

(just click the image to view larger. :3)

Technically there are two drawings. The larger, forefront, drawing is of my RolePlay character, Thursday.

The little cartoon doodle is of Thursday and Ikarus (Minaneko-chan's character) basically they're both A.I's but Thursday is in denial about it, and believes she's one hundred percent human.. Whereas Ikarus knows he's an A.I and has just escaped the military base he was being kept at.. Anyway, he's not good at communication, so she thinks that he is mentally challenged, and speaks slowly to him to make sure he understands what she says, which in turn makes him think that she's got a defect in her language processor. :P

So that's where that little doodle came from!

one drawing a day

well, actually, there's the drawing I did today and a few others from this month/last month. :3

 

this is the one from about a week or so ago:

 This doodle is supposed to be a caricature, not realistic. So, don't hate me. LOL.

clicking on the pictures should enlarge them. (:

lemme know what you think. :D

Work today was okay, time went by pretty quick until Sian left at three thirty; had a lot of laughter when I said "moist panties" really loudly by accident, on the shop floor. We were both in hysterical fits of laughter. Ahaha. We got most of the mark-downs done, but sadly I didn't get to finish Lingerie as I had to move lots of stuff by myself. So, after we've done knickers and socks/tights etc, we'll move on to sleep wear and voila it shall be complete. After three bloody days! Ughugh! Well, at least it gets me off of the till!


Just over a month until Berlin! I'm soooo excited!

fun at work.

Aha, I had a good day at work, and by golly am I glad! Lately I've had to try harder than I already do. The reason? To get full-time hours, so I can move and rent a flat for myself. However, it means being utterly over the top professional, and they've gone so spastic that no longer am I allowed to wear coloured socks. I'm sorry, but I doubt customers stare at my feet, let alone wander what socks I'm wearing, nor whether they are odd or a pair. I mean, come on! That's going a bit too overboard on there part. I'll comply with wearing matching socks, but I will not wear boring black socks. I have bare any black socks anyway.

Anyway, at least it was a good day today - didn't have to go on the till at all, it was amazing. Sian, Jemma, Roisin and myself were doing sale. Basically we had to go around as many departments as possible, mark down the items for sale and group them together. Luckily we did it as one team, so we all could joke and lark about. Yeah, fun stuff. Made the day go really quickly! Sadly, tomorrow I'm working 'til seven! SEVEN. Not looking forward to that, but it means pay day is only eight days away. (Yay!)

I've decided to do my "one drawing a day" thing tomorrow, as I'm not having a great time at home right now. :( Gary and I both feel super depressed because Mum is back in Woodlands, and they did this risk assessment thingy and they think she's too much of a risk to herself to be let out, even just for a few hours. It sucks, because despite it being for her own good, to help her, the way she thinks when she's having these "turns" is when something like this happens she feels as if she's being persecuted for something she can't control. I can't understand where she is coming from, but also where the staff at Woodlands are coming from.

Just ugh, not good. :( But I just hope they let her out for Tom's birthday next week..

good morning!

so, for some reason, i have decided to have a public blog as well as a private one - lj. both have the same-ish contents, but my private one on lj talks about shit happening at work, people i can't stand, some stuff about THUKST (not bad stuff, but obviously being a mod I can't have everything I write about THUKST being out in the open. I'm sure you understand. :3)

But yes! New blog! And it's 7:57AM, so this won't be a very long blog entry as I do have work and have to be finished and dressed by 8:30am, and out of the door!

I started role-playing again last night; I've missed it a lot, and I've also got a new goal of doing one drawing a day. This will, in the end (i hope), increase my abilities and make me drawings better. Maybe one day I'll actually be able to design a decent back ground for my poor characters who simply stare out from their blank page. I'm sure they'd like that.

Anyway yeah, so role-playing again on Gaia! I used to roleplay all the time on Neopets, but my interest in the site dwindled, and the amount of literate roleplayers became less and less in number, and in ability to write even a mere paragraph for a reply post. (The worst part was having to divide a long post into many as Neopets have a character limit. They never used too, and then when it was first done there were ways of "cheating" the system by the lovely way of copy and paste!) But yes, if you have a gaia account and would like a friend, my username is: s u g a r - g h o s t i e feel free to add me on there. (:

i will, no doubt, post again later today once I am home from work. A more interesting post, perhaps? And also get on to making this lovely blog pretty, pretty, pretty. <3>