Unf.

No drawing today, I just couldn't draw anything.. Today has been pretty shit. Been really emotional, have been crying on and off almost all day. Basically my best friend leaves for Uni tomorrow and came in today to say bye.. I didn't really want to say bye to any of my good friends who were leaving for Uni because of the effect it would've had on me. I now, officially, have no best friends in Hastings.. Or anywhere near to me. I mean, tbh, my best friends are my "rocks" so to speak.. And I just have this huge epic empty gap now and I can't fill it.

I just.. I don't know, feel like giving up? I'm the unintelligent one of the group; I don't want to go to uni, I dropped out of college after my AS Levels.. I'm the one who will always be left behind whilst they suceed and it's a hard thing to admit too.

I just dunno what I'm gonna do now. I've got ... what...  two friends out of work now? people at work don't really count as, well, I work with them. i have to see them everyday, as much as i love seeing most of them, it's not the same.

i have a sinking feeling that someone whom i may work with has read my blog.. why? because out of the blue, Kim (commercial) decided to tell me I'm doing a good job, and she's seen improvement in me.. and has been singing my praises to Brian. And in my last entry on this blog I was saying about how unappreiciated I feel at work, and how my effort seems to be ignored. strange, and creepy. Unf. I'm probably being paranoid, but whatever, you have to admit - it's bloody weird! oh well.

so yeah. not a great day.. oh and i have a new nickname courtesy of Brian.. that being "angry becky." uhm, thanks, i think? lol! i'm not that bad, am I????

who knows. oh well.

Hmm. :/

ALMOST FINISHED THE MARK-DOWNS AT WORK. H'omg. I was getting majorly stressed out by how long it was taking, I was almost in tears actually. I just felt that even after I finished it, I'd be critised for taking so long - despite it not really being my fault. I mean, I've been trying to give it 100%, and I think I've been doing a bit better at what I do.. However, I can't help but think they don't see any improvement. Though, to be honest, I wouldn't know anyway because praise hardly ever comes my way. I'm actually really quite depressed about it, then again I haven't felt "happy" for a while now. It's just trying to keep a smile on my face, pretend everything's alright and try my hardest not to slip into past habits which is becoming increasingly hard. :(

I almost hit the wall when I went to sign out at the end of my shift, Kim (Commercial Kim, not ratface) asked whether I'd finished F.A and I told her no, and she asked "why not" and I told her because I didn't have time on it, and again she asked "why not" and i said because i was trying to finish lingerie. And again she went "why not" possibly as a joke, I don't know but it really got to me. I'm trying to do something, and do a good job of it, and she just doesn't acknowledge it at all... Ugh. I just felt like screaming, or breaking down in tears because all my efforts go unnoticed it seems.

I just feel like giving up.. I really do, I'm sick of being unappreiciated at work.  Ian and Jemma, they're the ones who I respect right now out of the "management" team because they look at it through my eyes, and try and help and give me more time to complete tasks and such. Ugh. Just so stressed out.

On a good note! Mum came home for a few hours today, she has to go back in an hour or so but it was very good to see her!! It's strange how lonely it is here without her, even though Gary's still here obviously.

and! The new video from Bild.de with Tom and Bill... Well, I actually got quite offended by the amount of times they used to word "faggot," I mean.. I don't usually get offended by it.. But I did this time, because it seems as if they're encouraging the use of it, when it's really quite insulting.. Especially to those who are quite insecure about themselves because they are gay.. I dunno. :(

Oh, and my One Drawing A Day:

(just click the image to view larger. :3)

Technically there are two drawings. The larger, forefront, drawing is of my RolePlay character, Thursday.

The little cartoon doodle is of Thursday and Ikarus (Minaneko-chan's character) basically they're both A.I's but Thursday is in denial about it, and believes she's one hundred percent human.. Whereas Ikarus knows he's an A.I and has just escaped the military base he was being kept at.. Anyway, he's not good at communication, so she thinks that he is mentally challenged, and speaks slowly to him to make sure he understands what she says, which in turn makes him think that she's got a defect in her language processor. :P

So that's where that little doodle came from!